SPUNK

Dear friend: 

Spring Break has ended! 

Yup!... My vacations, just ended. 

I didn't do anything anyway, but I really enjoy sleeping late watching movies with my siblings and waking up late too. I had to work, but only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, the other days I just spent it in my home. 

I was planning on going to the beach, to watch the behavior of all the crazy students, but I didn't have money, and even I could just go and do nothing, I was so lazy to do it. I'm always like that, I always say that I'm going to do something and at the end I don't. Which I think is a shame! 

I should do everything I say I'm going to do. I have a year saying I'm going to work out and be fit, and stop whining and complaining and be more healthy, but I fail. I say to myself that I'm old enough to make it happen. I have seen most of the people of my age with more conviction than me. One of my classmates is a weather girl, who works out every day, and she has an astonishing body, and she is my AGE, my exact, same AGE, the worst part, is that she has a child, and I don't. I don't have a good excuse for me not to work out. I always tell my siblings, that no one is better than you, everybody has the same. They have the same body, two legs, two arms, a mouth, ears, everything the same, that if they can do it, you can do it. Seems that I can give an advice, but I can't follow my own advice. 

I thought on working out this spring break, but I didn't, why?... because of my lack of dedication. 

...and you know what? 

I'm going to go outside to play with my dog, and exercise at least for an hour. 

....you should do something for yourself too. 

Beauty school drop out.

Dear Friend:

It has been a long time since I felt this stress free.
Since I quit my job, I have been feeling so good.
I don't know what it is, but even though I'm drowning in debts, and my credit cards are all in minus numbers, I'm happy. I know, I'm weird, you should know that, but I don't care.
I have trouble with fulling my car with gas, but there is always someone who can help me.

I am not alone! 

I don't feel like going back to my old-frustrared-full-of-mean-and-hateful-people job. I like how I am right know, even my siblings notice it. Now I understand that people who quit their jobs, get out of their comfort zone and live happy. I have always thought how they could live like that, how they can manage to be moneyless and happy, and now I know how.

I'm almost done with my bachelors, and I'm almost close to my goal which is to study in London and travel. Oh my god! I cannot wait to travel, I'm really excited about it.
I'm trying to encourage my siblings on going to school, to finish a bachelors, and I think I'm succeeding. My youngest brother wants to be an Architect and my youngest sister a singer. I told her how Adele became a great singer, by studying music first and then composing music, and now, she wants to study music. My youngest brother loves drawing and video games, I told him he can make the graphics of video games, but he decided for Architecture and really I don't know where does he got that idea, no one on my family is a professions and frankly I don't want to take that idea from him.

I love for them to have that kind of thinking, I wish I could have someone like that on me before, but I didn't, but that I'm here to my siblings.

Today, I had a talk with my sister, I love having talks with her, because I know she learns a lot from me. She knows that I have depression and anxiety, so she ask me why did I got divorce and how the argument went. I told her how everything ended. I remind her that I have depression, but I have it since I was a child, not since I got divorced, but way before. I'm a person who hates monotony, that I am someone who doing the same thing every day affect her in a really bad way. Being three years with the same person is not a problem, I can be with someone for a long time, what I hate is doing the same thing, so instead of telling him to do something else, I react as a jealous paranoiac bitch, and my ex instead of help me, he did what every person does when something they don't know scares them....

go away.

I'm not saying it was his fault - I told her - but I'm not saying it was mine either, I didn't choose to be depressive, to have depression, I'm not trying to get attention from anybody, I'm just saying that if we knew the problem before, maybe everything would have ended different. It would have ended anyway, but not the way it ended that time. She also asked me about how my last relationship ended,I told her that is way more different, it ended because the person who was with didn't treasure our relationship, and I didn't want to be with someone who was taking advantage of me, just because I didn't want to make the same mistakes I did on my marriage. Then she understood why now, I'm single, why I'm by myself, that is not because I don't anyone, but because I want to be single, I need to be single. It is easy to work on a relationship, to work out a marriage, but it is really hard to work on oneself. That is the real challenge, and that is the challenge that I'm taking right know.

I hope she learns from me, and my mistakes, I hope she makes a lot of mistakes too, because that is the only way that you can learn, and have stories to tell, mistakes are the best lessons on life that we can have, and we never have to regret making a mistake.